Realizing Too Late
by Krys Yuy
Summary: Bridge from TLYHB to its sequel, Turning Back Time. He had been ordered to kill her; told that she was a threat to the entire world's existence. She had to be eliminated even if he loved her. What exactly was Ken thinking when he let his koi die?


**Warning**: Slight swearing and a remake of the bloody scenes, nothing more.

Author's Notes: Okay, here's the bridge from _To Leave Your Heart Behind_ to its sequel, _Turning Back Time_, which will be out soon enough. I understand that some thought TLYHB was going to have more chapters, but it was strictly a one-shot. But no worries! ^-^ I know that several things were not addressed or wrapped up at the end of TLYHB, so that is why _Turning Back Time_ is currently in the works. So, we will find out what Ken's fate is. The characters might seem OOC, especially Ken, but bear with me please. It begins from when Ken dashes down the street, then he has a flashback of what happens at the pavilion, then back to the present. It's definitely not one of my best works, but I hope all of you enjoy it anyway. *waves* Till next time!

_"Pain is the price lovers pay."_ ~ Unknown

****************************  
Realizing Too Late  
Author: Krys Yuy  
****************************

I did the right thing.

I had to kill Usagi so the whole world can live in peace...

Right?

As I run down the street with my teammates, I can't help but feel a deep pit of dread rise up in my stomach. I had killed before, lots of times. There were innocents that had to be sacrificed for the mission. It never got to me as much as this time. I know why though.

It's because I knew them. I knew her. They were obviously important to her, the people that died today. She's hurt now. No... she's dead now.

The images keep flooding through my mind. The fear, the anger, the hatred. It's burning a hole through my soul, breaking it piece by piece. I keep seeing myself - my comrades - all slay those women. They were beautiful, as Yohji implied before the strike was made, and I could only feel regret as I saw each of them fall till the real target finally arrived.

I watched as Aya was the first to act. He had thrust his katana right into the youngest girl's stomach before she knew what was happening, with him disappearing just as quick. The women didn't even have much time to react. The blue haired one had reached to tend to her, lying her on the floor gently. But even she didn't have much time before Omi fired his crossbow at her. By the aim, I could tell he didn't hit her right in the heart, which surprised me, but it was obviously still deadly as she fell over the already dead young girl. I barely heard the words they were able to say before they closed their eyes, and my heart ached for them.

I still wasn't in the last woman's line of vision. Aya and Omi were coming menacingly toward her, but she stood her ground and glared at them. Some of her blonde hair had fallen out of her red bow, but she didn't care. I watched as she moved slightly as if going into a battle stance, but Yohji had already wrapped his wire around her neck. She winced as he lifted her off the ground, pulling even tighter, but slowly. Clearly, there was regret on his face as he whispered something to her.

Whatever he said had some effect on her because she stilled for a moment. I thought she was finally dead, but I was shocked when she snapped her head back with force. The impact immediately broke Yohji's trademark sunglasses, but surprisingly, his nose was only bruised. By the expression on his face, his head hurt as well, and his hold on the woman loosened. She immediately smashed her elbow into his stomach, and he fell over.

I began to panic. What if she killed him? It wasn't supposed to happen like that. We were supposed to kill them. Not the other way around. After a few seconds, the woman had kicked him in the face with her high heel, and I flinched in sympathy.

"Bastard," she had spat out venomously.

I couldn't see her because she was facing the other way, but the tone she used in that one word... It was icy and cold, threatening. It promised pain and death... payback. That wasn't going to happen to Yohji, one of my best friends, though I do hate to admit it. She was expendable. Yohji was not.

Before I knew what I was doing, I leapt out from where I was watching the action. "Yohji!" I had called out, worried beyond belief since all his defenses were down. He could easily be killed under his condition. I extended my bugnuk and struck her on the back before she knew what was happening. I did it fast as I always did, but up close, I could still hear the tearing of her flesh.

For some reason, this time it made me want to throw up. I turned around quickly, dashing out the door as my friends watched me, not questioning my actions. They knew I would be back. I always came back.

I ran down the sidewalk swiftly but quietly. I hid in the shadows as a teal haired woman rushed past me towards the pavilion, an urgent look on her delicate features. I called no warning to her; she was on her own, unfortunately. I had only one person on my mind then.

Usagi. Always Usagi.

As I thought about her, out of the blue, she was suddenly right there, walking quickly along the sidewalk. I knew where she was heading. I just needed one last pure moment before she would turn away from me for good. One last time to touch her... One last time to caress her lips... One last time...

I stepped right into her line of vision, watching as she jumped slightly. "Excuse me, sir, but I have to-" She cut off her sentence as she looked up into my face. I felt my breath catch as I saw her beautiful blue eyes for the first time in so long. "Ken-chan?"

Kami, it felt so good to hear her say that! My heart did a little flip at the endearing nickname. However, I smiled sadly at her, saying nothing. I could only hear the roaring of my heart beating rapidly as I leaned down to brush my lips against her own. It was so amazing! I had forgotten how soft her lips were, how good it felt under my own skin. As I felt her respond, it was like I was coming home. It was gentle and sensuous at the same time, but it ended too soon for me.

I wanted to cry out as I saw her eyes fill with tears, and how relieved she looked, thinking I would be staying with her this time. "Ken, I lo-"

I quickly placed a finger upon her lips, not wanting to hear her words, yet my heart yearned for it so badly. I didn't deserve to hear her say it again. I never did. "Don't," I whispered sorrowfully. "Please don't."

Usagi kept quiet but I knew her eyes were searching mine for some explanation, some reason why I was acting like I was.

I resisted the urge to just break down in front of her, fall on my knees, and hug her around the waist. But she needed to know. She needed to know before I did anything else. "Just know that I love you... and I'm sorry..." I couldn't let her reply; time was a key element for the mission to be successful. Then... just one more time... I leaned down to once again kiss her lips. I savored it, memorized it as our last time. Then I pulled away quickly, merging with the shadows, not turning back.

I followed silently just as Usagi heard the scream of her friend. When I saw the look of panic of her face, I winced in guilt and sympathy. No one should ever witness the death of their dearest friends, but it was necessary for the mission to go smoothly. I slowed down to a walk as she entered the pavilion, her dress material swaying around her. Even in a hurry, she could always manage to look graceful.

When I reached the glass doors, I looked inside just as Usagi sobbed on the floor, the last of her friends disappearing in a sparkle of lights. I watched, amazed, as they disappeared in thin air. I never did believe in magic, but I guess you have to see it with your own eyes. Then I remembered my purpose; my mission.

I hardened my gaze and entered the lobby through the doors, not even taking time to acknowledge my comrades. I walked towards my love with a cruel determination and heavy steps. I would be the one to kill her. She heard me and looked up, tears and blood staining her lovely face. "Ken? Oh Ken, you wouldn't believe what's happened!" she cried out. She was about to stand when she stared at my hand... the one with the bugnuk. The one I had used on her blonde friend before she had arrived.

Realization must have dawned on her, but she slid into a state of denial. "Oh kami. No, not this. Anything else besides this too!" she whispered harshly to herself, beginning to tremble.

I almost faltered in my steps, but I couldn't. I couldn't show her I cared. She had to die. My face became emotionless as she looked up, hurt shining in those amazing blue eyes. "Ken no," she murmured, still refusing to believe I had done it. "Ken, was it you? Was it you?!" she demanded, her voice shaking with the overload of emotions.

"Yes," I muttered before realizing what I did. I had looked into her apprehensive blue eyes, and knew that I couldn't lie to her even now. I couldn't possibly kill her either. I turned around as she let out a cry of disbelief.

"Why Ken, why?!"

I remained stubbornly silent, refusing to move, refusing to speak.

"Damn it, Ken! Answer me! Ken!"

She has to die. She has to die. She has to- but, I love her! I can't kill her! But I have to, it is what's best for the world. My shoulders shook as I tried to gain some control over my emotions. "Omi," I said, pausing as he looked at me, waiting for instructions. "Do it." His crossbow would be the only way to kill her from the distance between us.

Omi had started to load his crossbow when Usagi began to speak to me again, oblivious that she was going to die. "Why did you do it, Ken? Why? Ken, answer me! Please! I don't understand! I don't understand," she cried. "I don't understand!"

Her voice was begging me to stop walking away from her. I just gritted my teeth, trying to ignore her calls. "Do it, Omi," I muttered, trying to will away the pain in my heart. Usagi had to be eliminated to save the world.

"Ken please!" she called again, desperately.

"Do it, Omi," I repeated slowly, calmly.

"Please! Why are you doing this?!"

Why couldn't she be quiet? She was only making it harder! "Do it Omi!"

"Ken, why?!"

I couldn't give in! She had to die! She had to! "DO IT OMI!"

He looked at me, startled, but nodded his head. He fired at Usagi, and I still didn't turn around to see how she was. There was no sound from her for a few minutes, and I thought she was dead when she spoke again.

"Hidaka-san."

I froze as she said my name. It was so emotionless... so cold... so unlike... her. It scared me, and few things scared me. An unexplainable urge made me turn around to face her. I winced as I saw the arrow sticking in her chest, not directly in the heart, but close to it.

"I- I..."

I felt a spark of hope within my body. Could she still love me? After what I did?

"I hate you."

I stiffened; the coldness, the venom dripping with those three words were too much. She hated me. _She hated me_. It was all my fault. My betrayal was shining through her blank eyes. I couldn't take it. I turned and ran out the doors, caught up in my own world, barely aware that my friends were following my trail.

I shake myself out of the horrible flashback as I reach the motel room Omi had gotten for the mission. My hands tremble as I try to open the door, but the damn key won't go in! Why isn't anything working?!

Someone lays their hand on my shoulder and pushes me back gently. I turn my pained face to see Omi opening the door for me. I stumble in and collapse on the bed, staring at the wall, my back to my teammates. I could feel their stares burning holes in my head, but all I do is shut my eyes. I need to sleep... I need to forget.

I need to forget how her sapphire eyes stared at me emotionlessly. How those once cheerful blue orbs now gazed at me with hatred and betrayal. How the blood tainted her pure image. How the arrow stuck in her chest, yet she showed no pain.

How I just killed the one person I would ever love again.

* * * * *

I walk down the street with one hand in my pocket, the other clutching the strap of my traveling bag. Omi is beside me, carrying his own backpack. Aya and Yohji trail behind the two of us, their luggage slung over their own shoulders. I'm silent as we enter the empty flower shop, though it is one o'clock in the afternoon. Those giggling girls must think we're still on vacation. They never show up when my friends and I aren't here.

"What's wrong, grandma?" I hear Omi ask.

I look up to see Mrs. Tsukiyono with a worried face, her cat circling her legs. Even through my own pain, I can't help but wonder what happened while we were away.

"Omi, it was so horrible!" she exclaimed, peering up at us through her spectacles. "Welcome back, boys, but I have something to show you. It's terrible. Just terrible." She turned and started walking up the stairs behind the counter. "Follow me please, boys."

"Wonder what's got granny all upset?" Yohji mutters to himself.

I silently agree, glad to have another issue take up my thoughts rather than what's been plaguing me since yesterday.

"A couple days after you boys left, I heard thumping sounds coming from the hallway that leads to your rooms. You know I never go up there, but I was so curious as to what the noise was. When I got to the hallway, the noise was much louder and was coming from the closet," Omi's grandmother says, leading us to one of the guestrooms. "Imagine my surprise when I opened the closet, and out fell the young woman you boys always talk to."

"Young woman?" Yohji repeats, ears perking up.

I roll my eyes at him. "Baka," I murmur, too low for anyone to hear.

Grandma nods and opens the guest door, gesturing for us to come into the room. Omi goes in first and gasps. I walk in after him and my eyes widen considerably. "Manx!" I exclaim, rushing to her side. She looks a little pale, but other that, she doesn't seem to have any injuries. "What happened?" I demand, seeing her smiling weakly up at us. All four of us were surrounding the bed as Omi's grandmother left us to our privacy.

"A woman came," Manx whispers, her voice still hoarse. "She had long green hair and the highest laugh that could break your eardrums." She chuckles softly to lighten the mood, but it's not working.

"And?" Aya prompts, his eyes flashing with some unreadable emotion.

"I had been about to contact you boys about another mission, but she had me cornered in the room downstairs." Manx pauses, unsure of herself, before she continues. "It was unbelievable. Right before my eyes, she shifted into an exact replica of me! She kept muttering something about the Black Moon finally getting back at the neo-queen. Then she glared at me and zapped me with some kind of black energy. I get knocked out, and the next thing I know, I'm in a closet. My mouth, hands, and feet are tied up and I can't move at all. So I pound on the door using my shoulders. About ten minutes later, Omi's grandmother opens the door and I fall out." Manx shakes her head, her curls bouncing. "I find out it's been three days since that woman came, and that you boys had left two days ago. You left no phone number, so I couldn't contact you. That woman is dangerous! Who knows what she could've done in my body?!" Manx suddenly stares at all of us. "What did she make you do?"

None of us chose to speak for a long time, before Aya came forward. "She had a tape of our employer ordering us to assassinate Tsukino Usagi," he growls through gritted teeth. He seems angry we followed a fake's command.

Manx sighs and shakes her head. "Must have taped it before hand and played it somehow. But that part doesn't matter." Then she looks startled and glances sharply at all of us again. "Wait a minute- did you say Tsukino Usagi?"

"Yes, why?" Yohji inquires, looking at her from over new dark sunglasses.

"Oh no," she whispers, eyes now wide with shock. "That woman... the next mission you guys were supposed to have... You were supposed to secretly protect her and her children before she moved into the Crystal Palace that was recently finished. She protects the Earth from all supernatural disasters."

Children?! Didn't she just have Chibi-Usa? Unless... A sick feeling rises in my stomach.

"Are you telling me we just killed the very person we were supposed to protect?!" Yohji demands, fury in his voice.

Everything Manx has just said suddenly comes rushing into my head, making sense. Horrible, awful sense. I hadn't really been given a mission to kill Usagi. It was all a fake. It had been a false mission. She wasn't supposed to die. She wasn't a threat to the world. She was its hope.

And I killed her. I killed her when I didn't have to. I killed the woman I loved and still love now. I killed the bright, cheerful woman who was supposed to be queen. I killed Usagi. I killed her innocent friends. None of them had to die. They didn't have to die!

"Iie," I whisper, horror blanketing my face. "IIE!!" I look up into the faces of all my teammates, and they too wear similar expressions to my own. They were shocked that we had made a fatal mistake.

I turn and punch the wall to my right. I stare blankly as I draw my hand away, bruises already forming around my knuckles, yet it is still numb. The others begin talking amongst themselves, sorrow lacing their words. I block them out, and I retreat into my own world.

Her beautiful face filters through my mind. She's laughing and smiling at me all at once. Four children surround her, giggling. She opens her arms, beckoning to me. The children also call to me, smiling. However, all too soon, darkness descends on them and I cry out. Usagi, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...

How many times have I said those words? How many times have I hurt her?

But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. She's dead. And it's my fault. All **_my_** fault.

Oh kami... What have I done?


End file.
